Adventures in tech support
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that’s a good point… The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine.
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Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
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Tech Support: “OK Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
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Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
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Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me onto this diskette?”
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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: “Hi… Is this the Internet?”
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Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to “The Internet.”
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Customer: “So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Yeah.”
Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Uhh… uh… uh… yeah.”
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Tech Support: “All right… now double-click on the File Manager icon.”
Customer: “That’s why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to…” Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘Industry Terms.’ I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well… why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet… is ‘little picture’ OK?”
Customer: [click]
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Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”
Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game…”
Tech Support: “All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it.”
Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed!”
Tech Support: “Huh?”
Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before! I crashed the spaceship, and now it doesn’t work.”
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.’”
Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”