A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that’s a good point… The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine.
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Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
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Tech Support: “OK Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
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Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
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Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me onto this diskette?”
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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: “Hi… Is this the Internet?”
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Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to “The Internet.”
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Customer: “So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Yeah.”
Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Uhh… uh… uh… yeah.”
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Tech Support: “All right… now double-click on the File Manager icon.”
Customer: “That’s why I hate this Windows – because of the icons – I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to…” Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘Industry Terms.’ I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well… why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet… is ‘little picture’ OK?”
Customer: [click]
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Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”
Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game…”
Tech Support: “All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it.”
Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed!”
Tech Support: “Huh?”
Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before! I crashed the spaceship, and now it doesn’t work.”
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.’”
Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with the expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.
Then this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.
Now just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year … Namely,
that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo??? It’s been a year! There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally Just hung up. He didn’t call back.
I bet he felt dumb!!!
I was on vacation and didn’t have access to wi-fi or a landline. This meant my only option to get online was to use my cell phone as a modem.
I had purchased Verizon’s rip-off “music kit” a while back. Basically a USB cable to connect your phone to your PC, and a CD that tries to convert your MP3s to some other format since the phone can’t play normal MP3 files (stuuuuupid). The good news is that this meant I had the cable I needed to be able to use the phone as a modem and wouldn’t have to pay $50 more for that kit.
So, I called Verizon, the guy walked me through configuring Windows dial-up networking to connect and it wouldn’t work. We were roaming at the time, and chalked it up to that.
A few weeks later we were up in Tennessee for the weekend. Again, there’s no wi-fi nearby. However, I have good cell reception so I figured I’d try the Verizon thing again. It’s about $60/month, but I’ll just cancel after the weekend anyhow.
So, I call Verizon and simply ask them to enable that feature for me, since I already have the phone connected and Windows configured. “Uh, we can’t do that”. “You need to buy a special card for your computer”. I insisted that I didn’t, but he insisted that I did. I said something like “I just need the $60/month plan so I can use my phone as a modem”. Nope. I asked for a supervisor and was offered technical support. Ok.
The tech support guy comes on and says “So you want the $59.99/month plan so you can use your phone as a modem? No problem”. Strange, considering what the last guy had said, but good.
However, he told me I’d have to go online and download their fancy connection manager software. (note: I couldn’t GET online – that’s the whole problem!) I explained that I didn’t want to buy it, and I’ll simply use Windows dial-up networking instead. He was quite adamant that it wouldn’t work without their fancy software, but I was quite adamant that he just turn the stupid thing on.
He did and I fired it up. No dice. I asked if there was someone I could talk to about it. “Nope”. “How about tomorrow?”, I replied. “Nope. No one here can help you with that.”. He insisted that no one anywhere at Verizon could help me with this kind of set-up. I told him I wished I had the name of the guy from last weekend, as he was quite helpful.
I hung up with him and then tried again. I guess it just took a minute for the update to go into affect on my account, because it worked and was a great solution for the rest of the weekend.
